...grumblez...

just when i thot i was very happy today... everything goin so smoothly... everything goin my way... sth bad has to happen. am i not destined to be happy? or maybe i do not deserve that happiness...

i wanted sth so badly tonite... yet when it happened, it jus turned out the exact opposite from wat i hoped it would be. tho its all cos of me. everything's always my fault. guess i wasnt tactful enough. but its not important anymore. im feeling even more numb than before. true, i felt my heart being stabbed 3 times just now. hurting feeling. but dats prob cos i inflicted much more dan dat onto someone le. can anyone still understand me anymore? i guess not even the people im closest to will understand me le. at least i noe one doesnt already. n im too numb to feel sad anymore.

pretty gals have it better huh? den where do ugly gals like me stand? no where huh? nowhere in ur heart. nowhere in his heart. nowhere in everyone's heart. is this fair? why isit dat no matter how much i do, as long as i fail in the looks dept, i fail in everything? looks really dat impt? i alwiz say people who go for looks are superficial. but thats onli an excuse to comfort myself. to delude myself. to jus push this ugly blame to others.
pretty gals hav millions flocking to their friendster to check out their photos.
pretty gals hav a long queue of fishes waiting in line.
pretty gals hav everything and anything.
wat do ugly gals like me have?
compensation for my looks - i havent discovered wat dat compensation is.
buckets of puke from people who accidentally caught a glimpse of me.
sorry im jus feeling inferior.
extremely inferior.
n down... again.
yet im supposed to be happy.
n happy i shall try to be.

contradiction is the way of life.