Scary Experience?
I dunno whether to feel excited or scared. I went jogging again after 6mths. and guess what! i jogged for 4km nonstop! n i totally didnt feel breathless or tired at all. it was quite mad. i have never ever done that before. n i really felt i could go on for another 4km. was feelin so happy and excited. until i stopped jogging. thats when everything started going downhill. my head suddenly felt so light and weird. i felt i was floating. dat darn sensation. i knew sth was wrong... again. 'collapsed' on my mum at the void deck. quite malu.. infront of so many ppl. as i felt nauseus, dizzy, blinded by black dots, and my hands numb and stiff, breaking out in cold sweat, and intense stomach cramps... i was so afraid. suddenly felt vulnerable. though dis happened numerous times before... it was never quite like this. it's so so much worse and intense today. dats why it's scary. my mum mentioned the word 'stroke'.. n it scared me further. gee. i couldnt unlock my fingers... both hands. totally cold and no blood... so i suppose its due to lack of blood and not.. the word i shall not mention. previously, i saw my student hyperventilate and her fingers locked. used the same method gary used on her.. on myself. it worked. oh, having positive thots helped too... my mum was nagging and scolding throughout... cos she was so worried... but i told her to tell me positive things... she didnt sound convincing tho... ha.. n returned to scolding again... hee...
lesson learnt. i will never jog again. walk maybe.. never jog.
i realised... dat i do value my life. i do want to live on. its important to me. there are so many things i've yet to accomplish. and today, i further reaffirmed who truly cares about me. life can be so vulnerable... so so fragile. why is it dat some ppl still harm themselves or seek death? i cannot understand... our lives are a gift. being bestowed with such a precious honour... i believe im here in this world for a purpose. what the purpose may be, im not sure. i noe dat im here to make a difference. n i noe i already have.. in some way or another. i jus need to continue...
i noe im the pride, hope n joy to my parents
i noe im the math tutor, playmate, bully victim for my lil cousin
i noe im the role model n playmate for my other cousin
i noe im the pearl in my grandma's eyes
i noe i have a buncha true friends who love me so much
just these people who are so dear to me... i noe my presence in this world has made a huge positive impact on their lives. and that gives me enough reason and strength to carry on. to fight on.
will never forget wat some ppl said to me.
WHO I AM MAKES A DIFFERENCE
I dunno whether to feel excited or scared. I went jogging again after 6mths. and guess what! i jogged for 4km nonstop! n i totally didnt feel breathless or tired at all. it was quite mad. i have never ever done that before. n i really felt i could go on for another 4km. was feelin so happy and excited. until i stopped jogging. thats when everything started going downhill. my head suddenly felt so light and weird. i felt i was floating. dat darn sensation. i knew sth was wrong... again. 'collapsed' on my mum at the void deck. quite malu.. infront of so many ppl. as i felt nauseus, dizzy, blinded by black dots, and my hands numb and stiff, breaking out in cold sweat, and intense stomach cramps... i was so afraid. suddenly felt vulnerable. though dis happened numerous times before... it was never quite like this. it's so so much worse and intense today. dats why it's scary. my mum mentioned the word 'stroke'.. n it scared me further. gee. i couldnt unlock my fingers... both hands. totally cold and no blood... so i suppose its due to lack of blood and not.. the word i shall not mention. previously, i saw my student hyperventilate and her fingers locked. used the same method gary used on her.. on myself. it worked. oh, having positive thots helped too... my mum was nagging and scolding throughout... cos she was so worried... but i told her to tell me positive things... she didnt sound convincing tho... ha.. n returned to scolding again... hee...
lesson learnt. i will never jog again. walk maybe.. never jog.
i realised... dat i do value my life. i do want to live on. its important to me. there are so many things i've yet to accomplish. and today, i further reaffirmed who truly cares about me. life can be so vulnerable... so so fragile. why is it dat some ppl still harm themselves or seek death? i cannot understand... our lives are a gift. being bestowed with such a precious honour... i believe im here in this world for a purpose. what the purpose may be, im not sure. i noe dat im here to make a difference. n i noe i already have.. in some way or another. i jus need to continue...
i noe im the pride, hope n joy to my parents
i noe im the math tutor, playmate, bully victim for my lil cousin
i noe im the role model n playmate for my other cousin
i noe im the pearl in my grandma's eyes
i noe i have a buncha true friends who love me so much
just these people who are so dear to me... i noe my presence in this world has made a huge positive impact on their lives. and that gives me enough reason and strength to carry on. to fight on.
will never forget wat some ppl said to me.
WHO I AM MAKES A DIFFERENCE
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