Random thoughts? Think again...
Saturday:
Was the Toastmaster of the Day (TMD) for Division U Humour and Evaluation Contest. an eye-opener cos i've never seen a contest before, neva seen wat ppl in toastmasters actually do. n i was like hosting it... ha. u can classify me as a blur TMD. mong cha cha... dunno wat im really supposed to do. was a teeny weeny bit disappointed.. cos i couldnt be myself. no chance... didnt really have much air time.. had alot of proper stuff to do, so i couldnt talk rubbish, as i would have loved to. so basically, i was a rather tame sheep up on stage. baa... jus doin wats told, n wat needs to be done. well, i did manage to squeeze in something.. which was received rather well. but no time to do much more. felt like a tiger in a cage. ROAR. couldnt come out... n it's stifling. really stifling.
Sunday:
had coach training.. dis time i trained the younger ones. wat can i say abt today... i would have loved to say it was a happy session, where i felt i did improve again. by abit. i managed to be comfortable linking a story. i was more aware of how i was standing, wat my hands were holding, where i was standing. i thot on my feet n linked the story to my content... tho not v strong connection i would say.. but at least i thot i improved.
BUT
my story/joke fell quite flat... some laughed, some thot it was lame, some didnt get it at all. not the response i wanted.
from the faces dat i saw... i didnt feel they were engaged or excited or interested.
feedback was.. i was boring.
i was feeling happy...
yet im feeling demoralized.
wat else can i do?
how else can i do?
how can i do it such that i can create the response i want?
how is it that the other trainers can do dis so well?
how did they become so good?
how can i become so good too?
how can i be comfortable spewing stories n jokes?
how can i improve?
how can i improve faster?
why am i getting this response again?
how can i do it differently?
i noe the power of questions... some of my questions r not powerful. n im definitely not in a resourceful state now. i was constantly changing the way i perceive today's training... i had to keep reframing it in a positive way... yet... sometimes the negative ones will overpower the positive ones. i noe im jus giving in to the loser in me. i jus wanna feel like a victim for a while.
because i know that after this moment, it's gonna be the winner i see in myself.
it's amazing.. how i can be so wonderful and confident in toastmasters, yet so boring and ineffective in training.. im kinda doin the same thing... TALKING! ENTERTAINING! weird. probably the environment and the audience. one is more friendly, encouraging, comfortable... whereas the other is more demanding, with high standards being set, n expections to meet. nevertheless, i enjoy both of them... regardless of how wonderful or boring i may be. the more i stand up there to talk, the more im addicted to it, the more i wanna stay up there, the more i cant stop talking. it's a passion. it's an obsession. it's an addiction. it's my love.
Saturday:
Was the Toastmaster of the Day (TMD) for Division U Humour and Evaluation Contest. an eye-opener cos i've never seen a contest before, neva seen wat ppl in toastmasters actually do. n i was like hosting it... ha. u can classify me as a blur TMD. mong cha cha... dunno wat im really supposed to do. was a teeny weeny bit disappointed.. cos i couldnt be myself. no chance... didnt really have much air time.. had alot of proper stuff to do, so i couldnt talk rubbish, as i would have loved to. so basically, i was a rather tame sheep up on stage. baa... jus doin wats told, n wat needs to be done. well, i did manage to squeeze in something.. which was received rather well. but no time to do much more. felt like a tiger in a cage. ROAR. couldnt come out... n it's stifling. really stifling.
Sunday:
had coach training.. dis time i trained the younger ones. wat can i say abt today... i would have loved to say it was a happy session, where i felt i did improve again. by abit. i managed to be comfortable linking a story. i was more aware of how i was standing, wat my hands were holding, where i was standing. i thot on my feet n linked the story to my content... tho not v strong connection i would say.. but at least i thot i improved.
BUT
my story/joke fell quite flat... some laughed, some thot it was lame, some didnt get it at all. not the response i wanted.
from the faces dat i saw... i didnt feel they were engaged or excited or interested.
feedback was.. i was boring.
i was feeling happy...
yet im feeling demoralized.
wat else can i do?
how else can i do?
how can i do it such that i can create the response i want?
how is it that the other trainers can do dis so well?
how did they become so good?
how can i become so good too?
how can i be comfortable spewing stories n jokes?
how can i improve?
how can i improve faster?
why am i getting this response again?
how can i do it differently?
i noe the power of questions... some of my questions r not powerful. n im definitely not in a resourceful state now. i was constantly changing the way i perceive today's training... i had to keep reframing it in a positive way... yet... sometimes the negative ones will overpower the positive ones. i noe im jus giving in to the loser in me. i jus wanna feel like a victim for a while.
because i know that after this moment, it's gonna be the winner i see in myself.
it's amazing.. how i can be so wonderful and confident in toastmasters, yet so boring and ineffective in training.. im kinda doin the same thing... TALKING! ENTERTAINING! weird. probably the environment and the audience. one is more friendly, encouraging, comfortable... whereas the other is more demanding, with high standards being set, n expections to meet. nevertheless, i enjoy both of them... regardless of how wonderful or boring i may be. the more i stand up there to talk, the more im addicted to it, the more i wanna stay up there, the more i cant stop talking. it's a passion. it's an obsession. it's an addiction. it's my love.
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