Pre-Graduation Blues
im feeling blue.. so so blue... 2nd last paper in 11 hrs 20mins time... n last paper in 4 days. how come so soon?!?!? though i dislike NUS, i like being a student. i enjoy not having to worry abt anything else except my exams. i will miss this slack study life... ok fine, im a slacker. having gone thru 16 years of study life (here, i am excluding nursery n kindergarten cos i dun recall myself studying for anything then)... i find myself begging for more! ok, i dowan to be retained la... i jus wanna... continue slacking. to be able to awake to the dread of going to sch or the notti thot of pon-ing. den dragging myself out of bed (since im a guai gal)... to look forward to seeing funkyD. meet frens in sch, slp in lectures... gossip abit.. ogle at cute guys, glare at pretty gals... go home with an empty brain n lotsa undone tutorials... n again lookin fwd to seeing funkyD. after which, i start anticipating the start of my tv marathon... n my days pass like this. monotonous routine... yet, a happy me. my shoulders are weightless.. no burdens, no responsibilities... just a happy-go-lucky, crazy me...
YET... come 1st June, i'll b a totally different person. i must be a different person. i must be a focussed, motivated, inspiring, inspired, hardworking, exciting, fun, spirited, witty, intelligent, and confident person. i must have the courage to step out of my small comfort zone. i must be like a sponge.. to absorb everything dats presented to me in rocket-time. i muz say bye to the slacker in me. i muz welcome the zai me... (if dat side of me ever exist.. ha.. pray i find her asap.. shd i put a 'missing persons' ad for her? hmm...) i must be fearless... charismatic... elegant, yet powerful n firm n dynamic. gee.. so many adjectives.. n all power words... how can i be as zai as i aim to be? the one thing i lack is the CONFIDENCE factor. n dat prevents everything else from happening to me...
so step by step, i muz overcome this... can i do so? i cant doubt myself.. yet i cant help but hav doubts. nono, i muz break out of this cycle. i aim to be all the above power adjectives. i will. i must. i will show good results. n they can no longer laugh at me nor look down on me. i wont let them hav their way.
i noe im lucky in a way.. to be presented dis rare opportunity.. i will treasure this.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sth amazing happened that day
i plucked up my courage to request for sth i had rehearsed in months
n not onli did i get that
i got much more
my dream/fantasy was realised
it was so unexpected
its so much so much more dan wat i had expected
n im so thankful
yet after dat
i started to want much more
i kept wondering why didnt sth else happen too
but
now
upon reflection
i do not want anything else
i realise i shd not be so greedy
this is enough
im satisfied already
sth so impossible n amazing happened already
i shall jus b thankful for that
n im happy
truly.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dunno why i suddenly got so much to blog abt today.. eekz. n i got paper in like 11 hrs time?!? gee.. jus some rantings again... dunno why i keep having such ppl in my life... jus really dun understand why some parents will rather get their frens/relatives to run personal errands for them instead of their grown up, successful children. gosh. well, they dowan to trouble their all so successful children huh... den why in the world bring them up so well n not get to enjoy the fruits of their labour? gee. i simply do not understand. sth so personal... yet they jus cant bring it up to their children. its not like the child is still a kid or toddler... haiz. so much for earning big bucks n being successful.. when all they do is run errands for their friends n not their parents. well i cant expect everyone to be like me can i? argh. i swear my parents will neva be like that lor. n i wont let my parents delegate such 'jobs' to others too.. gosh. super crap. ok i may sound envious of their succesful children... to a certain extent, i probably do. jus envious of their success onli.. heh.
ok, 'nuff said. off to bed...wish me luckz for tml!
im feeling blue.. so so blue... 2nd last paper in 11 hrs 20mins time... n last paper in 4 days. how come so soon?!?!? though i dislike NUS, i like being a student. i enjoy not having to worry abt anything else except my exams. i will miss this slack study life... ok fine, im a slacker. having gone thru 16 years of study life (here, i am excluding nursery n kindergarten cos i dun recall myself studying for anything then)... i find myself begging for more! ok, i dowan to be retained la... i jus wanna... continue slacking. to be able to awake to the dread of going to sch or the notti thot of pon-ing. den dragging myself out of bed (since im a guai gal)... to look forward to seeing funkyD. meet frens in sch, slp in lectures... gossip abit.. ogle at cute guys, glare at pretty gals... go home with an empty brain n lotsa undone tutorials... n again lookin fwd to seeing funkyD. after which, i start anticipating the start of my tv marathon... n my days pass like this. monotonous routine... yet, a happy me. my shoulders are weightless.. no burdens, no responsibilities... just a happy-go-lucky, crazy me...
YET... come 1st June, i'll b a totally different person. i must be a different person. i must be a focussed, motivated, inspiring, inspired, hardworking, exciting, fun, spirited, witty, intelligent, and confident person. i must have the courage to step out of my small comfort zone. i must be like a sponge.. to absorb everything dats presented to me in rocket-time. i muz say bye to the slacker in me. i muz welcome the zai me... (if dat side of me ever exist.. ha.. pray i find her asap.. shd i put a 'missing persons' ad for her? hmm...) i must be fearless... charismatic... elegant, yet powerful n firm n dynamic. gee.. so many adjectives.. n all power words... how can i be as zai as i aim to be? the one thing i lack is the CONFIDENCE factor. n dat prevents everything else from happening to me...
so step by step, i muz overcome this... can i do so? i cant doubt myself.. yet i cant help but hav doubts. nono, i muz break out of this cycle. i aim to be all the above power adjectives. i will. i must. i will show good results. n they can no longer laugh at me nor look down on me. i wont let them hav their way.
i noe im lucky in a way.. to be presented dis rare opportunity.. i will treasure this.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sth amazing happened that day
i plucked up my courage to request for sth i had rehearsed in months
n not onli did i get that
i got much more
my dream/fantasy was realised
it was so unexpected
its so much so much more dan wat i had expected
n im so thankful
yet after dat
i started to want much more
i kept wondering why didnt sth else happen too
but
now
upon reflection
i do not want anything else
i realise i shd not be so greedy
this is enough
im satisfied already
sth so impossible n amazing happened already
i shall jus b thankful for that
n im happy
truly.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dunno why i suddenly got so much to blog abt today.. eekz. n i got paper in like 11 hrs time?!? gee.. jus some rantings again... dunno why i keep having such ppl in my life... jus really dun understand why some parents will rather get their frens/relatives to run personal errands for them instead of their grown up, successful children. gosh. well, they dowan to trouble their all so successful children huh... den why in the world bring them up so well n not get to enjoy the fruits of their labour? gee. i simply do not understand. sth so personal... yet they jus cant bring it up to their children. its not like the child is still a kid or toddler... haiz. so much for earning big bucks n being successful.. when all they do is run errands for their friends n not their parents. well i cant expect everyone to be like me can i? argh. i swear my parents will neva be like that lor. n i wont let my parents delegate such 'jobs' to others too.. gosh. super crap. ok i may sound envious of their succesful children... to a certain extent, i probably do. jus envious of their success onli.. heh.
ok, 'nuff said. off to bed...wish me luckz for tml!
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