*dreamy reality*

i have so much to say
but i have no idea how to pen them down
seem to have lost the ability to express myself

am i an unrealistic person?
i never thot i was.
but now i suddenly feel that i am.
why do i waste so much energy dreaming
thinkin of sth that will neva eva eva happen
yet i want so much for it to happen
i start wondering
why
why didnt i start dreaming earlier
why did i allow myself to let opportunities slip past
why did i hide behind others' shadows
only to regret that now
yet i start pondering
why do i even start dreaming now
maybe all that i heard were just lies
probably all that was showered onto me were just honeyed words
why do i take them to heart
why do i feel that they can be my excuse
to start dreaming

if wat i heard were truths
do i believe them
would i believe them
shd i believe them
how would u noe which is true
n which is false
i want to believe them
but i daren't
maybe i already believe them
thats why im confused

reality hurts
but why do dreams come true for some lucky souls
why does their reality shimmer n glimmer
whilst mine is bleak
what shd i do
what can i do
what will i do
will i even do anything
or will i continue to be the me
who sits on my butt
n continue dreaming
of a big fat lie