baa baa black sheep...

have u ever met a long-time-no-see fren, and get so excited n happy?
or maybe you chanced upon the parents of your ex-gf/bf, n u start to quiver n bolt out of the door.
or u saw ur crush n ur heart goes flitter flutter...
its amazing how our state changes when we experience different situations. somehow, somewhere deep within us, it seems like the certain feelings have been programmed to appear according to the different scenarios.

saw my supervisor last thursday. chance meeting along the corridor while i was rushing to my next lesson. from a high adrenaline (due to all the rushing), happy state (cos of the nice lunch with alex)... my mood changed drastically to a feeling of dread. its so amazing n puzzling. i was rather shocked at the sudden change in state. i mean.. we jus exchanged casual niceties. rather pleasant one. yet when i left him, that down feeling remained.

jus found it amazing dat ur state change can tell so much abt wat u truly feel. i neva knew i felt this way. come to tink of it, i can understand why i felt this way. its the accumulation of 'lousy feelings' after meeting him. from feeling demoralised to feeling stupid to feeling like an idiot.

he's a wonderful supervisor. i can neva ask for more. he's the best le. he actually squeezed out time to meet me every single week n teach me the pure math part of my proj n guide me on analysis. gosh. where to find sucha nice sup? i really feel so bad. feel like he deserves a better, more intelligent student. somehow, no matter wat i do.. i cant seem to reach a level high enough for him. maybe i havent done enuff. i noe i havent done enuff. i need to prove to him. i need to prove to me. that im not sucha lousy student afterall. can i do dat? am i capable of dat? even i dun hav the confidence in myself anymore.

that day, for the first time, i actually felt ashamed sayin im from rjc. feel like im tarnishing my sch's reputation, for producing dis black sheep here. oh, wat has happened to me? baa...