standing on a cliff...

created an entry before this. but i neva found the courage to post it. im aching to just let it out, regardless of the consequences. yet i noe i cant. my little heart cannot withstand the serious repercussions. yet, when u're keeping ur feelings too long in ur heart, knowing u cannot let it out, u're bound to go mad. well, im on the verge of losing the last bit of my sanity.

wat is a blog for?
isnt it solely, purely for the blogger to freely express his feelings? NO.
its meant for the public eye too.
anything that is written out of accordance to the 'public's code of appropriety' would trigger a series of verbal, physical, emotional debate.
den why blog in the first place?
now u've got me thinking...
wonder why every single thing i write seems to offend people at some point in time, or another. isnt it jus an innocent entry by an innocent little gal tryin to describe her boring day, giving due credits to those who helped transform her boring day into sth more magical.
isnt it that simple? or is it not?
ever read between the lines?
is there anything to read between those lines?
well... thats for me to noe, n for u to find out.

sorry, jus feelin out of sorts right now. too many things happening. too many feelings unresolved. too many thots unrestrained. wat can i do? i noe wat i shd do, but wat if i dowan to do them? i just feel rebellious to myself. feel so controlled. yet i noe im quite un-controlled. feel so restrained. yet i noe no one really restrains me. or so i think. im just staring up blankly into space, yet i can feel my heart sinking... right down. where's the cheerful me of the past? where's the trouble-free me? why, but i seem to like to pick all those troubles and throw them all onto myself. oh, how fun. how nice it is to weigh urself down by things. nice feeling. "bubble bubble, toil and trouble, come to me and make me stumble." haiz... this sounds quite mad huh?

feels lost now. i dun even noe wat im feeling anymore. numb maybe? unfeeling? probably. the thing i noe i shd do, is the thing i dun feel like doing. the thing i noe i shouldnt b doing, is the only thing i want to do. wow... applause. welcome to the world of ms screwed-up. simple gal huh? she's not that simple after all. dats wat i jus realised. im beginning to dislike n detest this gal here. or rather, i havent got good feelings for her in ages.

sigh.
wat am i talking abt here?
there r so many things on my mind n heart now, yet i cant blog it out. all the pent up frustration and confusion further eats into my heart. yet, i noe silence is golden.

so silent i shall be.
let my heart be 'eaten'...
... so dat i can feel no more.